Inner Voice
by Physco Wolf
Summary: Sara can't decided what to do pull the trigger or not. Chapter 5 the final chapter up!
1. Chapter 1

Sara held her gun tightly in her hand as she pointed it to her head. 'It's not worth it. None of it is. Your worthless. You are nothing. No one needs you or wants you.' The words replayed in her mind as she struggled for control. She bit her lip drawing blood from it. 'No I'm not worthless.' Sara said to herself. She lowered her gun and whipped the blood from her lip. She grabbed her bottle of Vodka and took a long drink of it. She starred into space until her cell phone rang. "Sidle." She answered it.

"Sara I need you to come in." She instantly recognized Grissom's voice and the voice in her head came back too. 'He's just using you, he doesn't need or want you.' Sara shook her head. "Sorry I'm busy." Sara told him before hanging up.

'No one wants you Sara. No one needs you.' "No stop it." Sara whispered while clutching her gun tighter. 'They don't need you, no does.' Sara took a deep breath. "Stop it. Stop it right now." Sara commanded. 'It's never gonna stop Sara. No needs you so why should any body stop for you?' Sara started to cry and held the gun to her chest. "I can't do this anymore." Sara whispered. "No I have to keep fighting." Sara whispered to herself. Sara unloaded her gun and laid it on the table and starred at it. 'Pick that gun up it's your only friend besides the bottle Sara.' Sara involuntarily grabbed the gun and loaded it again.

Catherine walked up and down the hallway's of the Crime Lab and sighed heavily. She had a feeling that something was wrong but didn't know what it was. She walked past Grissom's office and saw that he looked worried. "Hey Gill, what's wrong?" She asked while walking in the office. "It's Sara, she sounded depressed on the phone and she passed down the opportunity to work." He answered looking up at her. "I'll go and check on her." Catherine reassured him. He nodded and watched as she left his office.

Sara held the gun tightly and was shaking uncontrollably. 'Come on put the gun to your head and fire it! It's the only way to be free!' Sara's inner voice screamed at her. "Their has to be another way." Sara whispered. Sara was now sitting in the corner of her living room with her knee's up to her chest. 'It's the only way out. Out of this hell hole.' The voice coldly answered.

Catherine drove up to the apartment and walked up the flight of stairs and was outside of Sara's door. She knocked a couple times and didn't get an answer she was about to leave till she herd some one talking. "No it's not the way out." The voice sounded beyond depressed and Catherine was getting worried.

'Quickly put the gun to your head and fire, a simple thing to do.' Sara shook her head. "No it's not so simple. Leave me alone." Sara said while tightening the grip on her gun. Catherine opened the door and quickly looked through the house looking for Sara. "Sara! Where are you?" Catherine shouted. She gasped when she saw Sara sitting in the corner with her gun pointed to her head. "Sara no!" Catherine shouted. 'Do it! No one wants you!' Sara's inner voice screamed. Catherine ran over to her and grabbed the gun out of Sara's hands. "No." Sara whispered. "Sara what the hell do you think your doing?" Catherine shouted at her. Sara spaced out on her and Catherine panicked. "Sara, Sara!" Catherine called while shaking her. Sara couldn't take it anymore and cried in Catherine's arms.

"Sara tell me what's wrong." Catherine whispered softly while wrapping her arms around Sara protectively. "The voice won't stop." Sara cried into Catherine's chest. 'I've never seen her like this. She always strong and guarded.' Catherine thought to her self. "What's the voice doing?" Catherine asked gently. "It's telling me that I'm worthless and no body needs or wants me and telling me that I should pull the trigger." Sara's voice was as fragile as glass and Catherine hugged her tighter. "Oh baby your not worthless, and your friends want you, I want you." Catherine whispered into Sara's ear. Sara hugged her tightly not wanting to let go.

They sat like that for an hour and Catherine could feel Sara calm down. She slowly stood up and gently pulled Sara up. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind Sara's ear and smiled at her. Sara gave a very small smile back. "Come on let's go lay down." Catherine whispered while pulling Sara into her room. Catherine had Sara lay down first and then laid down next to her and wrapped her arms around her tightly. Sara liked the feeling of Catherine's arms around her and could no longer hear the voice in her head.


	2. Waking Up In Peace

Don't own any characters. If I did you'd know

Sara's POV

I've never had a good nights sleep until now and it's all because of the beautiful women named Catherine lying here in my arms. She looks so peaceful and angel like when she sleeps and I could stare at her for the rest of my life. I can no longer hear the ice cold voice in my head and I know it's because of her and I'm glad for that. She's given me a reason to live.

When I run my fingers through her hair it feels like silk. She slowly wakes up and smiles at me. I can't help but smile back. She looks so cute when she just wakes up. Her eyes are a darker shade of blue and she has a certain glow and I can't tell what that glow is but I love it. I'm now realizing that I'm falling deeply in love with her and it took me four years to figure that out.

"Morning." She whispers while resting her head back on my chest. "Morning." I say back while wrapping a strand of her blonde hair around mt finger. I look over at my alarm clock and it's eight in the morning. I suddenly remember that she has Lindsey, "Catherine aren't you suppose to be taking Lindsey to school?" She looks up at me and has a smile on her face for what I don't know. "She's stayed at a friends house last night." Her voice is soft and full of warmth. She rolls over onto her stomach and keeps her arms wrapped around me and her head is still resting on my chest.

I don't how long we stay like this but I like it and I can't help but wonder if she likes it like as much as I do. She lifts her head up and looks at me a questioning look on her face. "What?" I ask softly. "Did you want to talk about last night?" I knew she would bring up the subject so might as well talk. "I guess. What do you want to know?" I ask looking down at her. "Why were you going to kill your self?" Her voice is soft as she asks the question and I know that she is going to listen and not walk out on me. "When I was younger my father beat me, he would tell me I was worthless and meant nothing to anybody, the words just keep replaying in my mind." I answer while looking down into her eyes to see what she thinks. Her eyes reveal sadness and anger. "How could any one do that to a child." She whispers with tears streaming down her face. "God Sara I'm so sorry." I wipe the tears that are falling down her cheeks and she cries into my chest.

"I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you." She cries out and I hold her tightly. "Shh, it's ok." I whisper into her hair. "It's not ok Sara, it's not." I can't stand to see her cry it breaks my heart. "It's ok, please don't cry, I can't stand to see you cry." I say quietly. She bury's her head into my chest more and wraps her arms around me tightly. "I'm so sorry." I hold her tightly and kiss the top of her head.

She settles down after ten minutes and were laying in each others arms and I'm not willing to let her go. She slowly falls back asleep and I watch her quietly. "I love you." I whisper into her hair while slowly drifting off to sleep with her securely in my arms.


	3. Need Her

Kinda crappy ending here but I'm running out of ideas for this story here. If anyone has any ideas for this story email me at POV

I know I've hurt Sara when I threw cold remarks in her face, she didn't fight back, she just stood there and took them. She took them in with unemotional look in her eyes and slowly crumbled in the inside. She almost killed herself last night, I could have lost the one that I ever loved and the one that ever loved me. I love this woman whose arms are wrapped around me tightly.

I need her, want her, crave her, just flat out wanna be with her! I want to stay with Sara forever. I'm going to help her through all of this, I know it's going to be hard but we'll do it. I know we will.


	4. Two Months Later

Well I decided to continue this story, I just can't ignore it. So hope you enjoy it.

Sara's POV

These past couple of months have been hell. Catherine forced me to go to therapy and forced me to take three weeks off work and rest up. She said I was looking scrawny. I don't think I am but hey I'll do anything for her. Going to the gym isn't that bad. But anyway she knows about my parents and how they abused me. She knows about the drugs I've taken, she knows how many times I've tried to kill myself. She knows all about my past now. Funny thing is she still see's me the same way she did before, lovingly. That's what's confusing me. Most people I tell run away.

I've shown her the scars I have, the tattoo's I have to remind me. I don't know why but my doctor said that i'm self-destructive and thrive off it. Whatever that means. To me all that shit they talk about is bullshit. I know why I do it, it's because that's the only thing that I've ever felt. All my life pain. You can't expect me to just wake up one day and say 'hey it's a new i'm gonna find something else to do that doesn't feel pain.' No it doesn't happen like that. When you find something that you like doing and feels good doing you'll want to continue to do it.

I tried explaining it to Catherine I think she understood me. Oh, yeah did I mention she took away my guns, knives, and any other thing I could use to hurt myself. I've been sane for a couple months. Only one time did I hurt myself and that was accidental. I've been tempted to hurt myself on more than one occasion but Catherine's always been there to save me. She's saved me from myself.

Right now we're grocery shopping and i'm standing with my head in my hands leaning on the cart while she's talking. I like to hear her talking but sometimes I'll just zone out and take her in. She's caught me on more than one occasion. When she tosses the bag of chips at me I snap out of my day dream. "Why do you snap me out of my day dream right when i'm thinking about you?" She's smiling at me and I can't help but smile back. The question goes unanswered and I don't care. I'm just watching her move down the aisles.

We've been here for about an hour now and we're not even half way through the store. Now I know why men hate going to the store with women, always stopping to look at every little thing. Some women don't do that, I don't, I just grab what I need and go, but not Catherine. I think if she could she would live in the store.

"Sara do we have any vegetable oil?" Again she snaps me out of my day dream. "I don't think so." I answer her. I think she knows i'm tired, she's got that little smile on her face when she says I look cute when I do something. I'm still not use to being known as cute. It's a new thing for me. I'm about ready to collapse, hell the shopping cart even looks like a good bed. It's very tempting. I think I could fit. I'd give it a shot but I don't think Catherine can push me around. My legs could be a bumper though.

"Are we almost done yet?" I'm really really really tired and I want to go home and snuggle up next to her and the blankets. "All right, we can finish tomorrow." I smile and inside my mind i'm jumping up and down. I'm too tired to jump up and down right now. We quickly paid for the groceries and are finally heading home. My eyes are burning and feel heavier than hell. "We're almost home hun." I nod when I hear Catherine's voice but my eyes are drifting downwards.

When we get home we carry in the groceries and quickly put them away. I literally collapsed on the bed. My boots are still on and when I feel a slight tugging at them I know Catherine's taking them off. When she gets them off she crawls up next to me and snuggles into me. My arms automatically take their place around her and my head takes its place above hers. I can feel her gently kiss my neck and it feels damn good and it's making me sleepy. When I wake up I'll make her a huge ass breakfast.

Their will be another chapter promise. Send some reviews.


	5. Morning Breakfast

This is the last chapter peoples. So enjoy it.

Sara's POV

Catherine's still asleep which means I have the chance to make her that big ass breakfast. I know she likes scrambled eggs, bacon, hash brown's, sausages, and orange juice. She told me that it reminded her of her home when she lived in the country. She deserves this breakfast and thousand more things and I will make every little thing up to her.

Ok I got the eggs, bacon, orange juice and that's it. Looks like a quick stop at the store is in order. I would ask the neighbors but I don't like them. Going to the store in my boxers and bra isn't a good idea. I hope I have clothes in the dryer, I would grab clothes from my room but Catherine wakes up easily. Yes! I have a tank top and a pair of shorts. Thank you God! Now the record time for a stop to a store. I think I did make the record time its been only ten minutes and I'm back with everything I need. Now I gotta cook the food. That's a pain in the ass. Especially bacon, it pops a lot in the pan.

I've spent a good hour on the food and it's done. Now I just gotta get Catherine up. When I walk in the room she's lying on her back with one hand resting on her stomach and the other resting near her chin. She looks like a angel. I crawl up to her and gently plant small kisses on her lips, cheeks, and neck. "Mmm, Sara..." She's got a smile on her face that would light up the Earth. "Hun, I made something for you." Her eyes flutter open and I love how her eyes are a deep ocean blue. They remind of the ocean.

When she sits up the blanket slowly falls down and she has a smile playing across her lips. God do I love that smile. I pull her up in my arms and lead her downstairs. Her hands are running up and down my arms on the way down and the touch sends shivers down my spine. The good shivers. When she see's the kitchen she turns around and kisses me deeply. I take it she likes it. "Hun this is perfect." I can't help but smile. The look on her face is just amazing.

"Yeah and you owe me now, I had to go to the store early and you know i'm not a morning person." "Yeah I know your not a morning person." I can tell she's thinking of the time we made love in the hallway, I was frustrated that morning and it was kinda rough. She didn't complain she just said that she liked the way I looked and how I was strait forward with her.

A slight rumbling could be herd from out stomachs and I hear her slight giggling. "Hey your stomach growled too." "I know but yours was louder." She's giggling even louder and i'm tempted to throw food at her but I want to eat too. Well the food wouldn't go to waste, I'd just eat it off her. Very tempting thoughts though.

The food was good, but I made way too much. We can just get Lindsey to eat it, I swear the kid has four stomachs. I don't know where she puts all that food! The thing about cooking breakfast is cleaning up. There's about five pans that need to be scrubbed, plates, silverware, glasses. I'm glad that someone invented the dishwasher. I think I'd die if I had to wash dishes by hand.

When I feel soft hands on my back my eyes instantly droop down. She knows where my sensitive spots are. "Now now hun you know how it goes, you cooked I clean." Yeah I herd that saying but I don't like it. "You know I don't like that saying it's weird." I hear her giggling and it's making me even more tired. I can feel her hands traveling lower and her fingers rest in the waistband of my shorts. She's pulling me away from the sink. Smooth. "Your weird now let me do the dishes." I'm offended by that, i'm not weird. "Your calling me weird? What about you?" She grins and that's all I need to see. "You know i'm not weird." I have no comment, she's more of a goddess that is far from weird.

"Alright you want to do the dishes? Fine have fun with them, i'm pretty sure they'd like the feel of your hands." She smacks me with the towel and I grin at her. "You go watch tv or something, you'll distract me." I grin at her and kiss her neck before leaving the kitchen. The living room is a little messy, Lindsey's toy's are scattered everywhere. So it looks like a war zone of toys.

Putting the toys away is an easy task. I don't know why Lindsey can't do it. The living room looks a bit bigger when the floor isn't cluttered with toys. I hear the dishwasher run and I know Catherine's done with the dishes. The couch looks pretty cozy right now and so does the tv. Who know's there might be something good on for once.

It's funny when I lay down on the couch or something because I take up the whole thing, i'm pretty tall actually. When Catherine comes out she sits in between my legs and I instantly wrap my arms around her. She smells like fruit. I like it, makes me want to eat her up. She leans back into me and I lean back more into the couch. I have easy access to her neck and all her sensitive spots. I like this position. I could spend the rest of my life like this.

Well I've decided to end this story. I couldn't really think of where to lead this. Send some reviews.


End file.
